Little Things

I've always been a person to appreciate/notice little things, little gestures of kindness, little differences between two similar things. This past weekend my family was invited to the beach by some friends. I jumped at the change, grateful for good friends and the good times that would be had. The husband, not so much. He didn't want to deal with the traffic, the people, the kids nagging; everything that goes along with taking small children to the beach. Since he's been in an 80% normal mood, I thought we'd be fine and talked him into going. On the way a two hour drive turned into three and a half, the next evening we sat in an hours worth of traffic to get to the amusements, another half hour to find a restaurant and be seated, and another half hour of traffic back to the place we were staying. The husband could only focus on the little things, all the things that were going wrong or weren't perfect. As I looked around the table at dinner, four adults and five children total, all of us were laughing and smiling through the aggravation it took to get there, all of us but him. He sat with his head in his hands mad at the world. On the drive home, while I was thinking about my sons beaming face on a jet ski, my daughter giggling as she watched little bunnies running around, or my children playing with friends while I sat and talked to my own friends, he was rambling about all the things that drove him crazy about the weekend. It hurts my heart that he can't see the beautiful things, the good things, and understand that things are never perfect. I often wonder if my children can feel my heartbreak when he complains about such meaningless things. I pray that my children will learn to love the little things the way I do, and not succumb to the weight of all the none perfect little things.

If only the husband would take his meds, he loves the little things when he's medicated. He usually loves himself and all of us when he's medicated. I try so hard to understand how his mind works, but it never gets me anywhere.